Room for a Little Girl

After many years, we finally got to create a nursery. Since we are renting, there was only so much we could do but I think that fact just helped me to keep things clean and simple. I came home from shopping at one point with lots of pink and white. Adam was less than thrilled, but willing to deal with it. Then I saw a vinyl decal online that changed everything. Lots of fall colors for my fall baby.

When we first got the nursery put together, I loved walking past it and seeing this…

It made me feel excited to think about bringing home my little girl one day soon.

See that tree peeking out? Since I couldn’t paint, I wanted to get color on the wall somehow. At first I bought the same wall decal but with pink leaves. It was cute, but after a little web searching, I stumbled onto this one and fell in love. It also has some green and blue leaves if we ever want to change things up.

The letters were from Michael’s and painted with a lovely pumpkin-hued paint. The crib was from Babies’R’Us and was a storage bin up until a few weeks ago when we moved Nora out of her pack’n’play in our room.

This shelf used to hang in our entryway, but seeing as we have no entryway in this apartment this is a good place for it. The animals are some of my old favorites. The cows are old bookends of Adam’s. The adorable red dress was for my brother-in-law’s wedding in December. It no longer fits, but is just too pretty to sit in a box. The sweater was knitted by my grandmother. It’s a little big now, but it also is too pretty to sit in a box. :)

Many hours have already been spent rocking here, and a few stories have been read, too. The nightstand is actually from my childhood bedroom.

We bought this recliner back in June to be used for rocking and nursing, but to stay in the living room. My parents had my old wooden rocking chair that we were going to use in the nursery. When we got to Vancouver at the end of the summer, we found a small tear in the footrest. I called to get it repaired with our extended warranty, but instead they just sent me a check to replace it!

Having a black dog, that light-colored recliner was always dirty so we decided to move the original into the nursery (since there was nothing wrong with it) and buy a darker color for the living room. So now we have two recliners for the price of one!

View of the other side of the room…

I LOVE this dresser from Ikea.  We looked at dressers in the “baby” collections at other stores. A lot more expensive for a lot less space. We’ll spend a little time in assembly if we can end up with a nice piece like this. It has room for all of her clothes, cloth diapers, linens and a whole drawer just for clothes in the next size up.

I found this phrase online and fell in love, but I knew a white decal would not work on a white wall. After some brainstorming, we ended up buying a couple pieces of 1X4  molding, securing them together and then added a little more of the pumpkin paint.

This cross hangs on her wall just as you leave the room. I found it in a gift shop and thought it looked pretty, but when I looked up the verse that was written on it I knew it belonged in my little girl’s room.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
                                                                                              Proverbs 3:5-6

Christmas 2012

It’s been a little while since I have posted. Although, to be honest, how many of my posts have started this way?

Here are just a few shots from Christmas Day:

Our favorite present this year…

He’s such a good daddy…

Her smiles and giggles are so much fun!

A Special Easter Announcement

If you're here via Facebook, you already may have heard, but we're pregnant! But this is a little bit more complicated story than the usual boy meets girl, they get married and then have kids. 

As most of you know, four years ago we lost our little boy when my appendix ruptured during my 12th week of pregnancy. (You can read more about that here.) Since then, our journey towards parenthood has been a series of mountains and valleys, though to be honest, I feel like there were far more valleys than mountains.

We tried on our own for a year; we tried taking oral infertility drugs for a while.  Finally we went to another doctor who understood my history better and said that the only way we would ever conceive is through in-vitro fertilization (IVF).  We didn't know if this was the right step, seemed too extreme for us at the time.  So we decided to adopt.

We went to some meetings but my heart was never there.  I yearned to bear a child.  It took me almost a year to be honest with myself and tell Adam that I just needed to try IVF.  I needed to know for sure before we started any concrete adoption process.  Adam completely understood and really wanted to have a pregnant wife "waddling around the house" at least once. 

So in January 2011 we started IVF.  The doctors were very optimistic. We were both very young, our tests looked good, seemed like I just needed a little help getting the egg to the right place.  We started the medications, retrieved the eggs and the doctors were happy.  But none of the 14 retrieved eggs fertilized.  Big fat fail. 

We met with the doctors afterwards, in March, and they seemed stumped.  Of course if we were to do it again, they would change this or that. But we had used up our insurance money for the year ($10,000 of infertility coverage) and knew that Adam was searching for a new job that would most likely not cover anything.

And we felt that this was a sign to be done.  To have things go SO poorly was devastating. I fell into a depression and eventually we decided to take two years and do nothing. No infertility treatments, no adoption, no fostering.  We needed a break from the heartache.

So we enjoyed the summer, Adam got his new job and we moved to Davenport.

Then one mid-December evening, I got a call from my doctor at the IVF clinic.  He told me that they found out that the maintenance staff removed an air filter in the lab earlier that year, and never told the clinic staff.  My doctor said he had no way of knowing if this caused the fertilization issue, but in case it was their fault, they were offering me a free cycle.

Needless to say, we accepted, went through the process (with not a day to spare, my last appointment was the day before we left for New Orleans) and are pregnant! I am almost 13 weeks along and the baby is doing well.  I am due October 16!

A year ago I thought I would never get the opportunity to bear a child, but of course God had other plans. :) 

Is anyone still out there?

(one of many turtles at the "lake" in our new complex)

It's just like me.  Write a novel here six months ago and then disappear.  I would have clicked the "unsubscribe" button if I could.  Why are you still here? :)

But I'm sure glad you are.  But then maybe I'm just talking to myself, in that case, Patti, I'm glad you're here!

Maybe I'll come back again soon.  No promises.  I might go back into hiding.  You'll just have to wait and see...

New Directions

... Warning: this is a very long post. A few very important updates in the midst of lots of personal reflection ...

No, I am not talking about the high school show choir on "Glee," the great show on FOX that is starting its third season this fall.

I'm talking about our continual wait for directions from above. The moments when Adam and I feel a little lost, a little unsure, and we're waiting for directions. Waiting to know what is right and when it is right.

And now we've heard.

Heard that our next adventure is to move again. Three more times, to be exact!

Now you might be thinking, "Aren't you sick of moving? Don't you just want to stay in one place?" Absolutely!

But we have come to learn in our young lives that what we want and what God wants for us is not always the same. Ultimately, what He wants for us is immensely greater than what we could have ever wished for ourselves. At the time, it doesn't always feel as though this is true, but as we look back over our lives, we can't help but agree with Him.

So as not to lose you, I'll be a little less vague about our upcoming moves.

This past winter (well, probably before then) Adam began to feel pulled towards a career that can provide a better lifestyle for our family (not that it's better than others, just better for us). He has never loved the "feast or famine" workload of a country elevator. He'd much rather be in "feast" mode all of the time. Personally, I think he's crazy, but the man loves work. He also wants to eventually get beyond the actual grain handling facilities; more logistics/training/?? at the home office of a larger company. This would allow Adam to use his brain more and his hands less as he gets older, but more importantly he could then coach high school sports and be around for family time.

After months of applications, interviews, and traveling, Adam received an offer late last week from CHS. He will be in the Assistant Superintendent Trainee program. Short explanation is Adam will be in three different locations over the next 18 mos learning, and then be placed full time at a terminal. We'll spend 6 mos in Davenport, IA, and then 6 mos each in New Orleans, LA and Superior, WI (or maybe Portland, OR). Oh, and did I mention that he starts Sept 1?

Let me be completely clear now, before I confuse you later. This is an amazing opportunity for Adam and our family. I am so happy that someone has recognized that his skills, knowledge and abilities and are going to put them to better use. This is a great "return on investment." In a year and a half, he'll be so much farther ahead than if he had just tried to get a permanent position somewhere.

This. Is. A. GOOD. Thing.

But it is a bittersweet transition. We've been here for two years, the longest that either of us have lived in one place since high school, almost 10 years ago. We've put down a few roots; not as many as we thought we would, but roots.

Our little house. I love it. I never thought I would want to live in the middle of a cornfield, but I LOVE it. It's quiet, peaceful and pretty. I've learned about gardening, including rosebushes. I've painted my own rooms for the first time. We survived our first major remodeling project with our bathroom last winter. (oh! my new bathroom, how you'll be missed) The bonfires, dinners with friends and family, canning, oh so many GOOD memories.

My job. This is my first "real" job that has felt like a "real" job. I feel like I matter, that what I do counts. That I have made some sort of contribution to the organization for the better. That I might truly be missed. Part of me worries that the skills and experience I have gained at Prairie Lakes Church will not be transferable. Finding a job for only 6 mos, 3 times, doesn't really lend itself to meaningful jobs. Then 18 mos down the road, will my two years at PLC even matter to any prospective employers? I don't have any training. No one will really know PLC and therefore won't understand that I didn't "just work for a church." But then I think, does it really matter?

Working for our church has been absolutely the right thing at the right time. Something that I never would have pictured for myself. Something that still kind of "doesn't fit" into the rest of my life experiences. But it works. and it works well. But is it what I really want to do for the rest of my life? No.

I want to be a stay at home mom. I've wanted to be one since I was pregnant with Aaron three years ago. But I haven't been able to. So in the meantime, I have to work. And God was so gracious to give me such a wonderful job for the past two years. Thank you Ron Phares for taking a chance on me. The girl you had never met but just had a feeling was the right person for the job. The opportunities and experiences I have been blessed to have are all because you saw more than my resume could tell.

And the people. Never before have we lived somewhere long enough to build any sort of community. Never before have there been so many people that I will truly miss. I don't need to name names. You know who you are. Some of people I see often, others only every once in awhile. Some people I will stay close to for the rest of my life, others I may never talk to again. But you all have become a part of who I am. I am thankful for every person that God has placed in my life during our time in Iowa. I will miss you all.

The next 18 mos will be crazy. And wonderful. And scary. And fun. And tiring. And one of our most exciting adventures. Do I want to live in New Orleans for the rest of my life? Absolutely not. But it sure will be fun for 6 mos. Melody will lose her big yard, but we hope that in two years, she'll have one just as nice. Do I relish the thought of packing up all of my belongings only to do it again twice more in a short period of time? Nope. (Um, have I told you how much I HATE packing??) But at least this time we'll have *some* professional help.

But I know this is good.

I know that this is the next step God has placed in our lives.

I know that God is good.

I know that God is always right.

I know that He has planned this next adventure just for us.

He's written the directions.

We waited, not always patiently, and now hope to follow well.

And continue to wait for further directions.

I wonder...

As it gets closer to what would have been your 3rd bithday, I wonder...

...do you have the blonde curls I always picture? Or did you luck out and get red hair?
...do you have blue eyes like me and your dad?
...are you long and lean, or a little roly poly like your dad was at that age?
...would Melody ever let you ride her?  Would you two be buds?
...are you a picky eater or are you willing to try anything?
...can you climb up on our bed or is it still too high?
...would you be potty trained by now? I sure hope so.
...do you sleep though the night?
...do you have dreams?
...would your grandparents spoil you?
...would your aunt and uncles make excuses to visit just so they can see you?
...do you like dinosaurs, tractors, blocks or Superman?
...do you have your dad's musical abilities?
...do you have freckles like me?
...are you healthy?
...do you sleep with a stuffed animal or blankie?
...do you suck your thumb or did you (hopefully) prefer a pacifier that has by now been taken away?
...how much laundry would you create?
...do you like to snuggle and give lots of kisses?
...what does your smile look like?

...can you see your dad and I?
...do you know how much we love and miss you?
...have your great-grandpas shown you the ropes?
...does Jesus take walks with you?
...how awesome is He in person?
...does it make sense why you went to Heaven so early?

...will it make sense someday?
...will he be remembered?
...will he have siblings?
...will they understand that they have a big brother?
...will I get to meet him someday?
...will You take care of him until then?

I wish I could have known the answers, honey.  But I know that you are in the best place ever.  Love you, Mom

No Longer a Cavewoman

Last Friday I spent $40 and 7 hours to relieve me of being a cavewoman. When we bought this house almost two years ago (was is really that long?) we were very pleased with the paint colors. There was no pea green or mauve. There was nothing that needed to be painted.

Last week I decided that our bedroom finally needed to be painted. It was a very beautiful chocolate brown. The problem is that we have angled ceilings and a very small window that gets very little light.

That's not the greatest picture, because it includes the one wall that was originally blue. But imagine turning around and seeing three dark brown walls and two dark brown angled parts of the ceiling.

Now it looks like this. I woke up Saturday barely able to move my right leg from all the contortions to paint that ceiling. But I no longer sleep in a cave. :)

I didn't even tell Adam I was painting! I was putting the last piece of furniture back in place when he got home. He said that it was a good surprise.